Breathe Out Gratitude.

Thanksgiving is a time to feel gratitude for both life’s blessing and for the lessons we learn from its’ challenges. The past few years have been particularly challenging in my personal life. I stood by bravely with my Mom as Alzheimer’s slowly consumed her. Trying to be 100% available to her, left little energy, compassion or time for work, family or for myself. After she passed, I quickly recovered more time in my days. We’ve enjoyed long weekends with family at the beach and on the boat. I’m doing more yoga, more meditation and enjoying morning walks along the bay. With more time, I’ve been able to refocus on Faceplant. We’ve taken business trips in which we’ve discovered some pretty cool stuff to bring to the brand next year. With friends, we raised over $5,000 in the Walk to end Alzheimer’s. This all feels good. I feel more energized. I feel more love and compassion for myself and the world.

But in a weird way, I feel a little guilty for feeling happy, like I don’t miss her enough, and I wonder why. And the answer came in my dream last night…

I found myself somewhere looking for my Mom. I sensed and knew she was there but couldn’t find her. A small orb buzzed, and I could hear my Mom’s voice coming through it but couldn’t understand what she was saying. I pulled it closer to my ear and asked her to try another way of telling me what she wanted to say. Her voice continued but the meaning continued to elude me. Again, I urged her to try a different way of saying it. She stopped talking and I could hear her breathing. Her breathing was slow, rhythmic and consistent. I listened for a while and it comforted me. Just the simple sound of her breathing in, breathing out… breathing in, breathing out… at some point, as I listened, I realized that I had awoken from the dream and was in bed, and could still hear the same clear rhythm of breathing. The same breath, the same cadence, the same energy. Now, however, it was my own breath. Breathing in…breathing out...

This Thanksgiving will be my first without my Mom. I had to catch my breath as I wrote those words. But if I trust my Mom’s message, I know that she remains with me, her loving breath still flowing through me as we breathe in and out together.

In honor of Thanksgiving, may we all find the blessings amidst life’s challenges. May we forgive, cherish and share the blessings. May we all breathe in love, Breathe out gratitude.

Happy Thanksgiving.